Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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