Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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