youre lurking in front of me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
