Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
