we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
