its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
