This girl is more easily done than said...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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