im about as happy as oj after his trial
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
