found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
