READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
