Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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