I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
