tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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