i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
