It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
