It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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