He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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