he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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