her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
