I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm both gender and math confused
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
