I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
