I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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