I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
