where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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