I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
