Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
