Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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