thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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