DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
