I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
