He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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