I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
