i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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