i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
