The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
