Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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