Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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