Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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