Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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