defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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