im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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