As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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