I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
