Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
