when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
