He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
