but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
