The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
