Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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