i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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